Men in skirts

About a month ago I attended at the Nottingham Pride in England. For those unfamiliar with these events they are organised by the gay community but open to all, I am one of the "all"... straight... but I do have a range of friends with differing preferences. Entertainment was for the most part provided by transvestite acts, some were not convincing, others were excellent. Overall the quality of the event was very high, as high as some of the skirts and High heels.

Now here runs a strange thought, apart from Scotland - in the form of the ubiquitous kilt - why is it that skirts are only worn by women and the clergy? Some will answer that its obvious... men dont have the legs, yet many women I know are prepared to watch a soccer match which bores them rigid just 'cos they like the players legs in the shorts. So could it be that in fact it is a necessary prerequisite for the clergy to have good legs? If not then why the skirts?

Actually historically it does seem that for the top post (the Papacy) the use of a skirt like garment has a useful function, apparently when elected during the middle ages a new pope was carried on a chair aloft of his cardinals whence he splayed his legs revealing his gonads whereupon the cardinals then remarked "Behold... the Pope is hanging well". This tradition arising after a female (according to legend... Pope Joan) was successfully (albiet mistakenly) elected to the top job. It is said that the tradition of seating the new Pope and carrying him aloft of the cardinals upon election stems from that event, to ensure the duly elected pope is male. Today he does not spread his legs to display his genetalia however.

The night before the Nottingham pride my sister, her girlfiend and some friends (all gay) took me out to a gay bar. Now admittedly I have been to many gay bars in the past, it is a good night out, the gay community really knows how to enjoy themselves. No loud thugs challenging you for a "fite" with the words.. "wor lookin' at my bird/ face/ pint"... yes drunken men really challenge others to fights if they feel their pint of ale is receiving lecherous glances! On this occasion however my sister told me to be very careful as she would take me to a "militant" gay bar, one where straights are wholly unwelcome. Indeed my usual reaction to unwanted attention "no thanks... I'm not interested" would immediately lead to the challenge "are you straight?". The punishment for a "yes" being a severe beating... if you're lucky.

Now since I don't seem to be that attractive to gay men... I am not oftened propositioned in gay bars, I felt I would be OK and was assured it would be an experience. Well experience it was, I was beseiged by offers and chatup lines, much to my friends amusement... and more than a little jealousy from some! Needless to say whilst I could deny my interest to a few...to deny to all would have ensured they reached the inevitable and sadly (for the sakes of my health) true conclusion that I was a traitor in their midst. It is strange sitting in a gay bar surrounded by interested gay men dressed in England shirts with the words "love" and "hate" tatooed on their knuckles, knowing that it may be a good idea to choose a slow dance with one of them to get rid of the others. The problem is which is the least dangerous? Which will grope me the least? And how long can my hysterical so called friends make their drinks last before we can leave?

But what started this off is what ended it... whilst I, a straight bloke dressed in jeans and a T shirt was defending my honour from a group "militant" gays some monumentally good looking men at the bar dressed in skirts were ignored.

Now, it being widely believed that all men have a gay propensity is it the case that in fact wearing a skirt wards off unwanted advances?

Certainly that would fit in with the clergies wishes, although whether all Scots would be so pleased....

© OddBat 2008