Living forever is strictly for the birds...

I was surfing the Internet yesterday afternoon during a huge rainfall and stumbled upon some research which apparently confirms that a strained marriage increases the chances of death in women..

Now I love "research" and "surveys", especially those that state if I do such-and such, or refrain form doing so-and-so this will increase or decrease my chances of death...

I don't want to seem picky but I happen to believe my chances of death are utterly unrelated to my lifestyle. If I decide to partake of smoking, it doesn't increase my chances of death, in the same way, eating lentils every day doesn't decrease it. Lets face it, I could decide to take up the horrendously dangerous occupation of standing in an election against Mr Mugabe in Zimbabwe (and just to add to the thrill factor confront him threateningly brandishing a knife). Yes, of course his HUGE bodyguards will ensure I end up in a bodybag... but... but, that won't have increased my chances of death, which stands throughout my life, from birth at... well... 100%! Same for all of us, no matter how bad or good we are, the chances are the same for all organic life on earth. Death is a 100% outcome.

Nonetheless this was a serious piece of research, so taking their thought process... being an unreasonable bugger to your wife would, it seems, ensure her mortality factor goes up, 101%, 110%, 150%.? So... grumpy old men, here's your chances to even up the odds, make your missus life hell, well, OK, carry on as normal and you should increase her chances of a demise to an utterly impossible extent.

Ah yes, but women are said to live longer than men. Then again that's probably a reflection of the increased divorce statistics, because taking this research to its most logical conclusion, once divorced these ladies chances of death must reduce! What to... 99%, 80%, 50%?

Note the research doesn't indicate what effect an unhappy marriage has on men, although from my "secondhand" experience I can confirm the chances of chronic earache increase exponentially. I assume it doesn't effect our chances of death that stay at a sensible, if depressing, 100%. No avoiding the grim reaper for us then lads...

But girls, well girls, to live forever make sure you marry a man who'll give you hell, then divorce him... repeat throughout life and statistically your life will never end, you'll live forever.

Then again... maybe it'll just feel like it....

© OddBat 2008